It’s interesting that Donkeyhead would be released on the same day as Sujata Day’s Definition Please (both via distributor Array). Not just because both films are made by female directors from the Indian diaspora, and also not just because those directors are writing and starring in those very films, both of which are their directorial debut. No, it’s because both of these films are very much about messy women, the pressures they deal with on a day to day basis, not only from family and the culture, but also the pressures they put on themselves, and the action, or mostly inaction, they take to confront that pressure.
In Donkeyhead, writer/director Agam Darshi plays Mona, a seemingly put upon woman, who is also a struggling writer that spends most of her time at home taking care of her father (Marvin Ishmael), who is cancerous already, but now, following a stroke, is comatose. Occasionally, she will sneak in a hookup with the family’s lawyer, Brent (Kim Coates), a married man, by the way. The father being in the coma results in the arrival of Mona’s three siblings – Rup (Huse Madhavji), Sandy (Sandy Sidhu), and Parm (Stephen Lobo), who have been long gone from the family home for many years, seemingly doing much better, and only occasionally visiting and offering financial support for Mona, who has been jobless for several years.
Mona is a hard person to like. In fact, there’s plenty of things that she does here that are absolutely reprehensible. Including one bit where she reveals a secret that I wish the film addressed later on. Granted, the secret was telegraphed from the moment she and secret holder had their first interaction near the beginning of the film, but whatever. The point is, she’s a total mess of a person, and it seems like she knows it to an extent, and as opposed to trying to do better, she only regresses more. Even resorting to old habits that her siblings thought she left back in their childhood.
But she’s not heartless, she is after all the only one in the family who wants to keep the father alive for as long as possible, while the siblings feel like his time is coming, and there’s no point in trying to keep him going. Then again, him being in need is what gave her much needed purpose as she kept struggling with her novel. You see where she comes from, and I was able to see a lot of myself in her. In the early scenes of the film, I recalled memories of helping my mom take care of my dad in the final years of his life. There’s even a point towards the end of the film where Mona describes her father, and it almost feels like she was talking about mine.
Mona’s family are Sikhs, similar to mine. They live in Canada, and throughout the film, we’ll see various rituals and prayers that aren’t given a ton of explanation for anyone not in the know, but you get the idea through the context. While the film may seem heavy, and it certainly is for certain moments, it has its fair share of humor, mostly coming out of the siblings bouncing off one another. The whole cast works very well together, each bringing great comic timing and emotional range. They’re believable as family and they also capture a lot of the tiny details about the experiences of children of immigrants without resorting to broad clichés or the usual archetypes you would see in stories about second generation kids.
Instead, Darshi finds an interest in exploring what happens when a woman stuck in arrested development is suddenly faced with a situation where she needs to finally grow up. The results are about as messy as you’d expect, but it’s compelling throughout the whole journey that Mona takes, and Darshi tackling the lead role like this comes across as brave as opposed to indulgent or ego-driven. There’s a lot of complexity here, and darkness as well, and not everything is resolved with a neat little bow, but there is a sense of optimism at the end that feels earned.
Stylistically, the filmmaking keeps things fairly grounded, with minimal flourishes aside from comedic whip pans, and the Earthy color palette reflects the cold and drab small town Canadian suburbs, which is contrasted by the more warm tones you get once you’re in the house. The camera work keeps things intimate and immediate, putting you in place with the characters. The one overtly stylized moment where we really get in Mona’s head feels like something out of a horror film, something I’d like to see Darshi tackle at some point, because the rest of the film’s restraint allowed that moment to be really effective.
Part of what made Donkeyhead ultimately so moving to me was how it portrayed a Punjabi family, it captures the vibe in a way that is very familiar to me, and perhaps many others. The film itself has the spirit of a Punjabi family, it’s sweet, but tough, vulnerable, but aggressive, loving, but incredibly biting in its humor, and basically a big huge mess that you can’t help but get emotionally involved with. It tells a story from a perspective we don’t often see, that is true, but the core of it is deeply human, a story about growing up, about maturing, about the way we often try to polish off any imperfections in the face of our loved ones, about coming to terms with your flaws and mistakes, and working through them not only for the sake of the people around you, but also for you as well. It’s a small film, but it’s emotionally ambitious. And while nitpicks can be made, I think Agam Darshi does a very commendable job with it.
Like I said before, I was able to see myself and my family in a number of moments throughout the film, which isn’t something that happens often, at least, not as directly as something like this. At a time when most exercises in representation coming from the entertainment industry feels superficial, pandering, and exploited by corporations for profit, it’s refreshing to see a film that can touch on an underexplored perspective in a way that is truly genuine, totally fearless in its approach, and actually has something to say. What a gift this film is, full of heart and humanity in all its messiness. Darshi is exactly the kind of storyteller we could really use more of. And Sujata Day too, so be sure to check out Donkeyhead and Definition Please, they are both worth your time and support.
Donkeyhead is now out on Netflix.